Insanity

“This century hasn’t got the lock on insanity.”
~ William Peter Blatty, The Exorcist

Can a mind become so chaotic and broken, that unconscious elements rise unhindered, possessing the person, and temporarily disabling their previously established character, beliefs, and perception of reality?

More importantly, can conscious choice—free will—be disabled and replaced by something of a dark, unknown nature, commonly referred to as insanity or psychosis?

Rebuilding

“First, create your ego. Then destroy it. This is all of life.”
~ Kamand Kojouri

The ego goes through cycles of building, destruction, and rebuilding, sometimes several times in one’s lifetime, until old age, when it finally rests as is.

Face value

“Fiction is the lie through which we tell [know] the truth.”
~ Albert Camus

The conscious mind wants to know why “something” happened, the meaning behind it, despite rarely coming up with an answer. The deeper you search and question, the more the truth becomes ambiguous, convoluted, and evasive. At my age, I either take that “something” at face value or write a story about it—fiction of course.

God and Me

The beginning:

In June 2025, a somewhat bitter individual asked me if I believe in God. Before I could answer, I was asked the following questions as well:

Where is God when disaster strikes?

Why does he allow innocent people to suffer or die such cruel deaths, without intervention?

I was asked these questions within the context of the “Air India Flight 171” disaster, which crashed shortly after take-off, killing all passengers, except for one. These questions were posed to me within the comments section of a news page.
Continue reading “God and Me” →

Curtains

“Your death will come on an ordinary day, in the middle of unfinished plans, and the world will continue on without you.”
~ N.R. Hart

The world continued on without me long ago, a kind of living death, leaving me in this small apartment with a faulty body and a thousand old books that I should have read many years ago.

I have visitors, though, and one in particular is very pretty. Keeps me going for now, along with some great music, an occasional walk on the beach—hand in hand—and a delicious meal once in a while, with the pretty girl of course.

Death won’t be an ordinary day for me. Dying is not an annual event, nor does it occur on the same day, at the same hour, every week in perpetuity.

My death will be the closing act, when the curtains close for the first and last time, following a lifetime of being in this place, during these years, and in these circumstances, with all the people whom I’ve known and not known, the characters who affected my life in some way, deliberately or unknowingly.

As for my unfinished plans, they will be finished as they are and remain that way, just like Kafka’s half written stories, unless someone or something decides to unfinish them, for reasons eternally unknown to me, as I will no longer exist in this form, as the person I am now.